Post 23 – Over the edge and far away

Kalachakra, Leh, Ladakh 2014

Kalachakra, Leh, Ladakh 2014

Well, a looottt has happened since my last post. I have teetered on the edge of change and release into authenticity for approximately 3 years now. In 2011 I experienced a kind of metamorphosis then promptly crept back into the cocoon – it wasn’t quite the same in there any more. What used to seem cosy and secure became tight and uncomfortable. I describe it like getting back in an old leather shoe that has experienced one too many puddles, has shrunk, is stiff and unforgiving. How do you maintain status quo when you know a little better?

So 2014, Leh, Ladakh. The Dalai Lama and 150,000 of my closest friends – what a scene! Surrounded by snowy peaks, the ice rapidly melting in the summer sun. Dust. The Indus. A new culture. 11 days of wonder, mystery and joy. My heart and mind reopened. This time I was prepared. I had rented my house and even removed my personal items from the office, just in case. In case of what? Another opportunity at personal transformation, contentment and a certain sense of freedom – freedom from the pervasive dissatisfaction that has occupied the background of my day to day existence.

I wasn’t prepared for how much I was about to let go of or how much I would find. I sat like a blank, open canvas and did my best to follow what His Holiness instructed us to do and prayed that I would receive the benefits. I certainly did. His extraordinary kindness pervaded everything – all were effected. How can you not be in the presence of a Buddha. The kindness of the Ladakhi people and all the other great beings who contributed to this truly amazing event can never be repaid.

So I changed. I changed everything. I left go of my house, my job and even my husband. The latter being totally unexpected. A fresh start and a leap into the void. I have found myself sitting in the stillness and unknown. What’s next? I don’t know exactly but what a place to be. The fear of letting go and stepping out of the norm has all but disappeared and with it, a large part of my identity.

I also discovered a magic mirror amongst the crowds. Something secret and unexpected. On the outside it’s not too dissimilar to many others but when our gazes meet there is an extraordinary magic that can’t really be explained. Something timeless and ancient, passed down through the years and the lives. A wondrous reminder of a pledge taken long ago, unbroken and deeply spiritual – something sacred. A rare jewel when reflected grants wishes and hastens growth. I am captivated. My heart is open and I am ready for change and learning. I am ready to let go.

So I look forward to sharing from the heart what comes because I don’t know what that will be. Planning has lost it’s charm. I’m free to evolve and grow naturally. I will make the most of this precious opportunity that I have been blessed with. I will nurture the flame that has been lit and shield it from the winds of fear and grasping. This has been my best experiment with happiness to date. If you’re teetering on the edge (and you will know what I mean if you are there), then take that step and soar. With the winds of wisdom and compassion beneath your wings you will surely fly.

All my love. May you be happy.

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About annaj

We're all inter-connected and interdependent, so there is not much more for me to say about myself that you don't already know about you. Like all beings, feathered, furred or clothed, I wish to be happy. Around the year 2005, I discovered the Buddhist teachings via a near break-down (when I could no longer live up to my mind-made personal expectations), the kindness of friends, yoga and a book store. For me, from there, there was no looking back. I love the experiential truth that the Buddhist teachings embody. There is nothing there that you cannot experience yourself with a little patience, determination and open-mindedness.

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